Perspectives of a Sneeze

In this piece I wanted to goof around with different writing styles in addressing everyday occurrences. In this case I chose a sneeze. 

Original

There was a girl sitting in class who had a stuffy nose that was caused by her allergies. She sneezed, and snot came out of her nose. So, she had to get a Kleenex from the back of the room. She thought everyone was going to be upset because when she blew her nose she tended to sound like an elephant. No one cared. She sat back down and listened to the teacher.

What the F**** Similes

Like a piece of ignored poop just sitting in the middle of the sidewalk, I sat in my chair listening to the teacher drone on like a thousand buzzing flies over a decomposing carcass. My nose dripping like a lanced boil. My eyes were itchy and swollen like the teats of a cow that needed to be milked. When I coughed my body writhed about as if I stepped on a live wire. I could feel a sneeze coming on desperately wanting to tear out of me like the world’s most unwanted and painful orgasm. My face involuntarily contorted like a gargoyle come to life. My head slammed forward into the crook of my elbow. I pulled my head back and thin glistening ropes of snot hung from my nose like little strings.

I climbed to my feet and walked heavily towards the tissue box, as if there was a water buffalo on my back. I grabbed the tissue and blew my nose like an angry goose. When I looked in the tissue the snot was yellow like the pus from an infected wound. I sat back in my seat cursing these allergies like a mother would curse a dingo that had eaten her baby.

A Yelp Review by: Strain 22b of the Rhinovirus

Hello, my name is Rhinovirus, and I will infect Jane Doe today. I hitched a ride on the droplets of saliva after someone sneezed in the previous class and it got on her hand. It was only a little speck of saliva and she didn’t notice.She then touched her nose when itched and when she scratched it little I moved into her nasal cavity.

The nasal cavity was very nice and warm. Initially, I found it to be a perfect place for me to incubate; however, a bunch of white blood cells came out of nowhere and tried to kick me out! What the hell that was not very hospitable at all; however, I was able to resist them. I then started to replicate myself, which inflamed her nose, and throat. It was nice seeing all my little clones. Then all of the sudden there was this great vibration, and a noise like thunder.

A bunch of my clones, and a bunch of the mucus I had made suddenly vanished. It was horrifying. I heard the screams as they were pulled away from me. Then a white thing came out of nowhere, and took a few more on the tip of it. I think it was the fabled Kleenex. Shortly after that more white blood cells came, and started beating me up. So, I high tailed it out of there on some sneeze droplets. It was getting to hostile there for me. Overall, I would give the Jane Does nose 2 of 5 stars.

Film Noire

The dame sat pencil in hand scratching notes on her pad of paper. She looked like someone had raked her across the coals, and could use a bit of happiness in her life. Her eyes like swollen like little red tomatoes. Every few seconds she sniffled and wiped her nose, which was red and peeling from the constant rubbing.  You could tell on the normal day to day basis she was an alright looking broad. She certainly wouldn’t stop any traffic, but she would send any children hiding behind their mother’s skirts. Her face contorted and her head reared backwards. Her face slammed into the crook of her elbow, and she let out a gargantuan sneeze that looked like it would send her flying off of her seat.  

When she pulled her head back there was a small runnel of snot hanging from her nose glistening like an icicle in the dead of winter. She sniffed, but it refused to return to its hiding spot in her nose. She pushed her chair back from the desk with a high squeak while covering her nose with one hand. She shuffled to the back of the room. Her feet dragged across the cheap tile floors, and she came to a stop at the back window.For a brief instant she paused and stared outside, mo doubt hating the seasonal weather that was making her life so miserable.

She grabbed a tissue, and blew into it. She sounded like some sort of strange animal. It was the sound of an oscillating trumpet. It was deep and resonated across the classroom like bad memories. She sheepishly looked over her shoulder expecting to be reprimanded. A few irritable students glanced her way with frowns on their faces, but the dame had nothing to worry about.

She shuffled back to her seat sniffling the whole time. These allergies were trouble , and she knew it. She let out a deep sigh, and went back to writing in her notepad.  


In this piece I wanted to goof around with different writing styles in addressing everyday occurrences. In this case I chose a sneeze. 

Original

There was a girl sitting in class who had a stuffy nose that was caused by her allergies. She sneezed, and snot came out of her nose. So, she had to get a Kleenex from the back of the room. She thought everyone was going to be upset because when she blew her nose she tended to sound like an elephant. No one cared. She sat back down and listened to the teacher.

What the F**** Similes

Like a piece of ignored poop just sitting in the middle of the sidewalk, I sat in my chair listening to the teacher drone on like a thousand buzzing flies over a decomposing carcass. My nose dripping like a lanced boil. My eyes were itchy and swollen like the teats of a cow that needed to be milked. When I coughed my body writhed about as if I stepped on a live wire. I could feel a sneeze coming on desperately wanting to tear out of me like the world’s most unwanted and painful orgasm. My face involuntarily contorted like a gargoyle come to life. My head slammed forward into the crook of my elbow. I pulled my head back and thin glistening ropes of snot hung from my nose like little strings.

I climbed to my feet and walked heavily towards the tissue box, as if there was a water buffalo on my back. I grabbed the tissue and blew my nose like an angry goose. When I looked in the tissue the snot was yellow like the pus from an infected wound. I sat back in my seat cursing these allergies like a mother would curse a dingo that had eaten her baby.

A Yelp Review by: Strain 22b of the Rhinovirus

Hello, my name is Rhinovirus, and I will infect Jane Doe today. I hitched a ride on the droplets of saliva after someone sneezed in the previous class and it got on her hand. It was only a little speck of saliva and she didn’t notice.She then touched her nose when itched and when she scratched it little I moved into her nasal cavity.

The nasal cavity was very nice and warm. Initially, I found it to be a perfect place for me to incubate; however, a bunch of white blood cells came out of nowhere and tried to kick me out! What the hell that was not very hospitable at all; however, I was able to resist them. I then started to replicate myself, which inflamed her nose, and throat. It was nice seeing all my little clones. Then all of the sudden there was this great vibration, and a noise like thunder.

A bunch of my clones, and a bunch of the mucus I had made suddenly vanished. It was horrifying. I heard the screams as they were pulled away from me. Then a white thing came out of nowhere, and took a few more on the tip of it. I think it was the fabled Kleenex. Shortly after that more white blood cells came, and started beating me up. So, I high tailed it out of there on some sneeze droplets. It was getting to hostile there for me. Overall, I would give the Jane Does nose 2 of 5 stars.

Film Noire

The dame sat pencil in hand scratching notes on her pad of paper. She looked like someone had raked her across the coals, and could use a bit of happiness in her life. Her eyes like swollen like little red tomatoes. Every few seconds she sniffled and wiped her nose, which was red and peeling from the constant rubbing.  You could tell on the normal day to day basis she was an alright looking broad. She certainly wouldn’t stop any traffic, but she would send any children hiding behind their mother’s skirts. Her face contorted and her head reared backwards. Her face slammed into the crook of her elbow, and she let out a gargantuan sneeze that looked like it would send her flying off of her seat.  

When she pulled her head back there was a small runnel of snot hanging from her nose glistening like an icicle in the dead of winter. She sniffed, but it refused to return to its hiding spot in her nose. She pushed her chair back from the desk with a high squeak while covering her nose with one hand. She shuffled to the back of the room. Her feet dragged across the cheap tile floors, and she came to a stop at the back window.For a brief instant she paused and stared outside, mo doubt hating the seasonal weather that was making her life so miserable.

She grabbed a tissue, and blew into it. She sounded like some sort of strange animal. It was the sound of an oscillating trumpet. It was deep and resonated across the classroom like bad memories. She sheepishly looked over her shoulder expecting to be reprimanded. A few irritable students glanced her way with frowns on their faces, but the dame had nothing to worry about.

She shuffled back to her seat sniffling the whole time. These allergies were trouble , and she knew it. She let out a deep sigh, and went back to writing in her notepad.  




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